


some strange hypotheticals

by lotts (LottieAnna)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Podfic Available, Proposals?, marriage talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts
Summary: “He’s more of a friend with legal benefits,” Mikey says.





	some strange hypotheticals

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU FOUND THIS THROUGH GOOGLING, KNOW ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY PERSONALLY, OR ARE MENTIONED YOURSELF: please, please click away. This is a work of fiction and nothing written in this story is true. Any accurate information used in this story is publicly available information about public figures, the rest is made up, 100%.
> 
> thanks to ali, ash, esen, and rachel for beta-reading this and also for being great.

 

“Hey,” Mikey says, “You know how we’ve been dating for, like, a billion years?” 

“Yep,” Nate says easily. 

“And remember how two days into dating each other, you told me that you thought our relationship could survive anything?” Mikey says. 

“I think so,” Nate says, squinting, as he tries to remember. It’s been three years and a handful of months, but he has a good memory, so long as Mikey is involved in the memories in question. “Was that when we were watching Bake Off?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay, yeah,” Nate says. “Why’re you bringing that up?” 

“Well, I know you were talking about reality TV allegiances, but, like, you also meant it in general, right?” Mikey says.

“We’ve been dating for centuries, Mikey, I’m pretty sure I’ve said something that conveys the same thing since then.” 

“That’s just the time I remember,” Mikey says. “But you think that, right?”

“Duh,” Nate says. 

“Okay,” Mikey says. “Well, what if I told you that I had, like, a big secret?” 

“How big?” 

“Hella big.”

“Then I’d probably want to know,” Nate says. “I’m confused, do you actually have a secret?” 

“Sorta,” Mikey says, shrugging, and to the undiscerning eye, it would look like he’s being dismissive, but Nate knows him well enough that he can tell the difference between that and Mikey overplaying the casual because he’s nervous. 

“Did you do something… bad?” Nate asks, a little cautious, all of a sudden. 

“No, nothing like that,” Mikey says quickly. “It’s just something I never told you, and I feel awkward bringing it up this many lightyears into our relationship.” 

“A lightyear is a distance, not a time,” Nate points out. 

“Uh, no it’s not,” Mikey says. “It literally has ‘year’ in it.” 

“Because that’s how far light travels in a year,” Nate says. 

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah,” Nate says. “Dude, I’ve been to the planetarium with you, how did you not know this?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t think about light as something that travels,” Mikey says. 

“What did you think the speed of light was?” 

“Just a nerd’s way of saying something’s really fast,” Mikey says. “I didn’t know there was actually a speed of light.” 

“If it makes you feel better, the speed of light is really fast,” Nate says. 

“Oh my god, this is literally fucking up my entire worldview,” Mikey says. “What the fuck, man, I should unblock Neil deGrasse Tyson on Twitter.” 

“Why did you block Neil deGrasse Tyson on Twitter?” 

“Because he’s a nerd,” Mikey says. 

“He’s an astrophysicist, Michael. It’s his job to be a nerd.” 

“That doesn’t mean he has to be a buzzkill about it,” Mikey says. 

“Is this the secret?” Nate says. “That you hate science, and Neil deGrasse Tyson in particular?” 

“No, the secret is that I’m married, everyone knows that I hate science,” Mikey says. 

Nate just stares at him. 

“What?” Mikey says. 

“You’re married?” 

Mikey freezes, then looks to the side, like he’s trying to remember the last few seconds of their conversation. “I didn’t mean to say that part out loud yet.” 

“You’re  _ married?” _

“Like, kind of, yeah,” Mikey says. 

“You— like, you got married? To a person? You stood at the altar, and, like— you got  _ married?” _

“Not recently,” Mikey says. “It was before I knew you, okay?” 

“So before you knew me, you just— had a husband, or wife, or whatever?” Nate says. “Or, you still have the husband or wife, I guess.”

“Husband,” Mikey says. “And that’s—” he crinkles his nose. “I don’t want to think of him as my husband.” 

“Then you probably shouldn’t have married him,” Nate says. He’s not sure why he’s freaking out about this, because, like, the past is in the past, but this seems like a pretty big thing for him to not have known until right now. 

In hindsight, Mikey was probably right to describe this secret as ‘hella big.’ 

“He’s more of a friend with legal benefits,” Mikey says. “It was a money thing, okay?”

“What?” 

“It’s this weird loophole that gets you more financial aid,” Mikey says. “I marked myself down as married on the application, and, boom, tuition got cheaper.” 

“Is that… a thing?” 

“Well, it worked for us,” Mikey says. “But I just— I haven’t thought about it in a while?” 

“So you just… forgot.”

“More or less, yeah,” Mikey says. 

“You forgot your own marriage,” Nate repeats. “You got married to someone, and then forgot that that happened.” 

“In my defense, it never came up,” Mikey says.

“That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that most people need to be reminded of,” Nate says, and then he takes a deep breath. “Jesus christ, Mike.” 

“I’m so sorry, but I swear, I didn’t mean to keep it a secret,” Mikey says. “I seriously just thought about it for the first time in forever a few minutes ago.” 

“Do you not talk to him anymore?” Nate asks. 

“Oh, we talk,” Mikey says. “Just not about being married. We’re in so many group chats, and we really don’t want, like, friends and family finding out.” 

“Friends… and  _ family,” _ Nate repeats.  

Mikey winces, like he knows he’s been caught. “Yeah.” 

“Are you telling me,” Nate says, “that you, Michael Robert McLeod, are literally, actually married, to a  _ Strome _ ?” 

Mikey squeezes his eyes shut. “Listen, college is expensive, okay?” 

“A Strome,” Nate says. “A  _ Strome. _ In the eyes of the government, you’re Michael McLeod, hyphen—” he pauses for effect, “Strome.”

“I didn’t change my name,” Mikey says. “And if I did, it’d be Strome-McLeod, the flow is so much better.” 

“Did you consider it?” 

“No, don’t be stupid,” Mikey says. “That’s for Matty and Ryan, if they ever get married.” 

“I can’t believe you married a Strome before your brother did,” Nate says. “Like, considering— wait, you’re not married to Matty, right?” 

“Ew, god, no, ew, never,” Mikey says. “It was Dylan.” 

“You married Dylan Strome,” Nate says, and now that the shock is wearing off, he’s starting to realize that this is the funniest shit he’s ever heard in his entire goddamn life. “Dude. You really did that. You married Dylan Strome.” 

“Ugh, I know,” Mikey groans. “I really should get divorced soon.” 

“You’re gonna  _ divorce Dylan Strome, _ ” Nate says. 

“If you tell Ryan, I’m gonna kill you,” Mikey says. 

“Ryan will kill you before you get the chance to kill me,” Nate says. “Then Judi will kill him, and then someone’s gonna kill Dylan, and then everyone ends up dead.” 

“So it’d basically be like Romeo and Juliet, without the actual being in love part,” Mikey says. 

“Yeah,” Nate says. “Maybe Shakespeare can write the loveless spinoff. Y’know, Stromeo and Juliet.” 

Mikey rolls his eyes. “Shakespeare’s dead, idiot.”

“So we’re just gonna ignore the best pun I’ve ever made?” 

“Yep,” Mikey says. 

“You’re no fun,” Nate says. “I think the stress of divorce isn’t good for you.” 

“It’ll be over soon enough,” Mikey says. “I’m gonna text him.” 

“Who, Stromer?” 

“Yep.”

“You can’t ask for a divorce over text, dude,” Nate says. 

“Actually, I can do whatever I want,” Mikey says, typing. “And I just did, so.” 

“Did you actually?” 

“Yep,” Mikey says. “He just saw it, too.” 

“Bullshit,” Nate says, even though it’s not actually any harder to believe than any other part of this whole Mikey-is-married thing. 

“Here, look,” Mikey says, tossing his phone to Nate. 

There is, in fact, a text that reads,  _ hey rmbr how we got married? can we get divorced soonish?  _

“He’s typing,” Nate says. 

“Oh, word,” Mikey says. “Tell me what he says.” 

“You can just—” Nate starts, but Dylan’s text comes in before Nate has a chance to hand the phone back. “Oh. He says,  _ lol, sure,  _ so.”

“Lit,” Mikey says, and as Nate looks down at the phone to lock it, or whatever, another text from Dylan comes in. 

This one, Nate doesn’t read out loud. 

“Did he say something else?” Mikey asks, and Nate realizes he’s staring at the screen.

“Uh,” Nate says, kind of speechless. “Yeah.” 

“What is it?” Mikey says, and Nate can hear the beginnings of concern in his voice, but Nate’s too stunned to do anything about it. 

“Here,” Nate says, and hands Mikey the phone. 

_ does this mean u talked 2 nate abt proposing?  _

“Sorry,” Nate says, as Mikey reads the message. “I, uh, didn’t… read it?” 

Mikey looks up. “What? Of course you did.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Nate says. “I dunno, it felt like the kind of thing I should pretend I didn’t read.”

“But you read it.” 

“I was trying to give you an out, I don’t know,” Nate says. 

“Well, I’m not taking it,” Mikey says. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay,” Mikey says. “It’s just— the other day I woke up and realized I want to marry you.”

“And that’s when you remembered you were already married?” 

“No, that was when I freaked out and called Dylan to ask if I was being stupid.” 

“Seriously? That’s who you called?” Nate says. 

“He’s my best friend,” Mikey says. “I mean, besides you. I trust him with shit like this.” 

“But he’s stupid, too,” Nate says. 

“I’m not trying to be smart about this,” Mikey says. “Just. Not stupider than Dylan.” 

“Okay, well, what did he have to say?” 

“He said that I should make sure we’re on the same page before I, like, get down on one knee,” Mikey says. “So I guess this is just— I’m calling dibs.” 

Nate blinks. “What?” 

“I’m calling dibs,” Mikey repeats. “On proposing.” 

“Wh— you can’t call dibs on that, what the fuck.” 

“Funny, because I just did.” 

“That is not fair,” Nate says. “I’m not respecting those dibs.” 

“So does that mean you don’t want to get married, or…” 

“No, it means I do, and I want to be the one to propose,” Nate says. “I’ll do it right now, just watch me.” 

“At least let me get divorced first,” Mikey says. 

“You’re gonna be divorced soon enough,” Nate says. 

“You don’t have a ring.” 

“I’ll make one.” 

“Out of what?” 

“I dunno. Paper, tape, tin foil— I’ll DIY this shit.”

Mikey cocks his head. “Do we even have tin foil?” 

“Of course we have tin foil,” Nate says. 

“I’m pretty sure we’re out,” Mikey says. “So you’d have to buy that.” 

“Fine, I’ll go buy tin foil,” Nate says, standing up. 

“Seriously?” Mikey says. “At this point, you might as well buy a ring.” 

_ “You  _ might as well buy a ring,” Nate says, mostly nonsensical. 

“Oh, I did,” Mikey says. “If it’s onside to propose while I’m already married, I can go get it right now.” 

“Come on,” Nate says. “This is unfair.” 

“Look at the bright side, we’re gonna get married eventually,” Mikey says. “That’s pretty lit, right?” 

“I guess,” Nate says, but honestly— yeah. Marrying Mikey is probably, like, the definition of lit. “Is there any way we could both propose?” 

“If we coordinated, maybe,” Mikey says. 

“Cool,” Nate says. “After your divorce, then?” 

“After my divorce,” Mikey confirms. 

“Baller,” Nate says, and then they just smile at each other dumbly for a second, because they’re, like, pseudo-engaged. 

Which, whoa, but also,  _ whoa.  _

Like, just— whoa. 

_ Whoa. _

“Hey,” Mikey says, elbowing Nate, even though he already has his attention. “I’m pretty hype to marry you.” 

“Same here,” Nate says. “Hope I can be better than your no-good ex.” 

“You probably will be, but if you want to fight him for my hand, I’m not gonna stand in the way.” 

“Maybe,” Nate says. 

“Whatever,” Mikey says. “I’m glad we’re gonna be together forever, though.” 

“Was there ever any doubt?” 

Mikey shrugs. “Nah.” 

**Author's Note:**

> the return of stromeo and juliet, aka, i have one (1) joke and i'm gonna milk it for all it's worth. 
> 
> i'm not apologizing for what i said about neil degrasse tyson.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic of] some strange hypotheticals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15210965) by [idellaphod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idellaphod/pseuds/idellaphod)




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